First Of All Let Me Clarify What “being in love” Means For Me Because The Term Is Too Vague And There Are A Lot Of Interpretations Out There And The Term Means Alot Of Different Thing To Different People. For Me Personally It Means These Three Things.
1st LUST. Relationships Purely On The Basis Of Attractiveness And Social Economic Status. Basically Rich Alpha Males Marry Pretty Chicks At Percieved Peak Sexual Market Value. That Would Usually Mean A Man At his mid to late 30s and a woman at her early to mid 20s. Of Course there are variations to that rule and there are occasions when rich women marry young men but please don’t waste your time looking for the exception while ignoring the rule.
2nd. PUPPY LOVE. That Would be either marrying the first girl you fell for when you were 15, or if you are a beta male marrying the first woman who paid attention to you out of fear and insecurity because you either know or are afraid you can’t do any better.
3rd EMOTIONAL CODEPENDENCE. Those are codependent relationships are usually the fusion of two traumatic childhoods as stefan molyneux likes to put it, this is when your unresolved issues and emotional scars from your childhood determine your future dating destiny. Basically what I mean is that you are dating or form “friendships” with people who mirror or closely resemble the characteristics and behavioral patterns of your childhood victimisers. For Example If Your Mother Verbally Abused Or Played the victim all the time without taking any responsibility for her actions, if you lack self-knowledge and self-awereness when you become an adult you will likely date people who treat you the same way, and thats because reliving that childhood trauma makes you feel at home and comfortable. but that feeling won’t last because managing the drama of those codependent relationships eventually gets exhausting and self-destructive.
Now For The More Positive Part Of This Post.
These Are The Three Core Principals I Personally Have Witnessed Successful And Happy Marriages Being based Upon.
1st MUTUAL RESPECT AND ADMIRATION. First And Foremost You Have To Respect Each Other For Who You Are As A Person. Then Acknoledge And Recognise Each Other’s Strength’s And Weeknessess. That Will Help You Figure Out Each Other’s Roles In A relationship. The Man And The Woman Should Be In Charge Of The Areas They Are Clearly Better On. By Trusting Your Wife Or Husband To Be In Charge In Areas They Are Better Than You, It Means You Respect, Admire And Ultimately Trust Them To Do What Is In Your Best Interest As A Couple. For Example I Am Good At Thinking Of The Big Picture And Planning Ahead And My Wife Is Good At Managing The Everyday Small Picture Type Of Things. And Make No Mistake In a Relationship They Are Both Equally As Important. We Are Equal But We Have Completely Different Roles Which Is What Makes Us Happy.
2nd SHARED VALUES. From My Experience A Relationship Is At Its Best When The Partners Have Different Personalities But Have Similar Values. For Example I Am An Introvert And My Wife Is An Extrovert, But We Are Both Anarchists And Anti Government. We Both Agree That Our Future Kids Will Not Go To Daycares Or Public School, we are both against spanking or verbal abuse,we both agree that my wife will breastfead and stay home to raise the kids and be a housewife. We Are Different In Personality And The Way We Do Things But In A Sense We have the same goals the Same Guiding Principles We Live By.
3rd CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY. We Are Both Honest But We Express Our Honesty Differently. My Wife Will Tell You The Truth With A positive Spin On It, But I Will Tell You The Truth With A Negative Spin On It, But We both Like To Tell The Truth. NO SMALL OR BIG LIES. We Also Both Have Courage But We Express It Differently And We Choose Specific Situations To Express It. We Both Encourage Each Other Without Nagging.
Now To Finish This Post I Will Say That Marriages out Of LUST, PUPPY LOVE Or/And EMOTIONAL CODEPENDENCE Feel Great At The Beginning but burn out fast, break down after the first few years and leave emotionally distraught and broken. But Marriages Out Of MUTUAL RESPECT AND ADMIRATION, SHARED VALUES And CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY Last Forever Because there is no drama and if conflict arises every now and then it’s easily solved because you both operate under the same core first principals.